Today is the thirteenth of April and yet it has been snowing all day. It has invited “Frozen” songs galore and an awe at the shift from yesterday’s 70 degree weather, but it has also made me realize something about myself.
A few minutes ago, I gazed out my window and thought of only one thing: the little blooming trees. Our campus has been leaf-less for months, and the past week has brought me so much joy- for one, because of the little white blossoms stemming from the previously bare branches. I smile like an idiot when I pass them- they represent summer and beauty and an end to the cold season.
So- its probably no surprise that I looked out my window today, and made just one comment to God- “please, whatever you do, don’t let this snow ruin those trees.”
It was semi-threatening actually. I was suddenly very protective of these little trees.
I asked myself WHY in the world was I so concentrated on these trees: I thought- I wanted my relatives to see how pretty the campus was when they came for graduation in May. I got excited when I saw them blooming and I thought the snow ruined my ideal May weather. So, because of my wishes of May in Boulder, I failed to be thankful for the snow itself- which, in fact, shows God's beauty and power just as much as the little beautiful trees.
Lately, I have been applying for jobs.
And I have been in the habit of making a little tree out of every job opportunity…a tree that is almost blooming with beauty and possibility. When any opportunity comes up, I get protective of it, and plead with God that this one is the "right one." Sometimes, I even imagine myself physically blocking the snow from my opportunity.
And then it gets squashed- whether because of a miscommunication, a wrist tattoo ban (yup:/) or an off-feeling about the job (which, for me, is even more squashing than anything else).
My prayers have been stubborn- I have still been praying (however- I admit, less genuinely) for all less-than-ideal opportunities to be shut down... That God- and His great wisdom- would have the best for/with me.
I want to trust that when my hopes are squashed, the underlying theme of “God works for the good of those who love Him” is still in full-effect. I want to be thankful that, lately in my life, the snow has stopped the little trees from blooming. Maybe there’s even a bigger tree, maybe not. Either way, I want to appreciate the snow…and appreciate that God knows best. No matter what is in store for this next season of life, I want to patiently wait for it and not FLIP my WITS when things don’t go the way I planned.
I also want to surrender- if there are no leaves in May…and if my job after graduation is less than what I (and others) consider ideal,(we may even consider it a pesky weed) I have to trust that God wasn’t distracted by who-knows-what when it the time came to decide my future. HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING! I have given this to Him and now I get to LET HIM HAVE IT and appreciate the next step that He provides.