My dad is in the hospital. It’s been a journey, but the doctors say that if he follows their directions, he should recover.
At first, it looked grim, and it started a process within me, which is what I am writing on today.
When I think of life and death, and how death comes, and how many don’t know Jesus… I am floored by how everything else just doesn’t matter. After praying for my dad, I thought about other things- like how I’ve posted pictures to get likes and how I’ve cared what others thought. Immediately, I was disgusted. I'm just so over myself.
In considering the gospel and that life is short and death is coming, I JUST DON’T HAVE TIME to deal with the things of this world.
I don’t have time to deal with comparison, with seeing if I measure up to others. I don’t have time to even consider ways that im not living up to my goals. I don’t have time to waste on lust… on lusting after people, or on greed or on jealousy. I literally don’t want to spend one minute on anything that is not God.
Because my purpose in life is God. Everything is for God. And yes, He loves when I get rest to enjoy, and He loves when I eat ice cream to treat myself… and He loves my destiny and He gave that to me. He planned many things for me, and I DO have time to partner with those. I believe partnering with the calling He has put on my life is actually in line with knowing that life is fleeting.
But I have had enough distractions. I’m done letting things entrap me. I’m not just talking about sin. I’m talking about disobedience and doubt and fear. I’m talking about the 10 second pause when God tells me to do something, and I debate it. And then I’m talking about the 30 minutes of regret for not obeying Him, and fear that I ruined what He wanted to do. I don’t have time for that either. I don’t have time to over-analyze if I’ve ruined things. I have time to repent and move on, and to ask Him to show me what I need to know.
All I have time for is freedom in Him. I have time to follow Him, to speak the good news, to thank Him for His purposes and to follow those. I have time for living FREELY in His love. Consider your purpose of living. What means something to you? Because I’ve seen plenty of lives dedicated to pleasure and temptation, and I’ve seen the emptiness at the end. I know I have God, and I know I’m not living for pleasures, and I also know that there is grace for me when I don’t always live with my divine purpose in mind. I’m not writing this from guilt because I know He redeems, but I’m just tired and burdened by not living in complete freedom.
I’m over caring what people think. I’m over weighing the decision when God tells me to do something. He has my yes, and I want it to be my immediate yes… not because I don’t think He can redeem my mistakes, but because I want to get the show on the road. I want His plan to happen as soon as possible. I don’t want to wish badly for others, to work against unity. That goes against my purpose. I don’t want to wish that I shine for my glory, and in effect take the spotlight when God wants to use another person. That goes against my purpose too. My purpose is to know God and to give Him the glory.
None of us live long enough to experience every situation, so we -beautifully- get to learn from others’ experiences. You may not have parents in the hospital, and death may seem distant in all ways, but it has refocused me on the purpose of life and it has shown me, yet again, that God’s way is the only way I want. It has convicted me on my self-absorption, and on my attention-seeking. Even for the things I know God has promised me, this experience has shown me that I don’t have time to get anxious on when it will happen or if I’ve lost something. The only reason that would matter is if I am looking to my own glory. If I’m only looking to His, then nothing else matters- only that He uses me now and that He takes care of me.
So, freedom!!! Live freely devoted to God and see how fun it is! How fun it is to abandon shyness and insecurities because how we are seen doesn’t matter.
For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified. (2 Corinthians 2:2)